With 3-year-old RJ at Sloan Kettering Hospital

September 2014 would be the beginning of an uphill battle for Richard and Cheely Ann Sy of Bergenfield, New Jersey.

On September 3, their youngest and only son, 3-year-old Richard Aiden or RJ, was diagnosed with Stage 4 High Risk Neuroblastoma, a type of cancer that usually afflicts children. Since that time, RJ has undergone five chemotherapy treatments and one surgery that opened up his little body from belly to spine. The doctor said the tumor was the size of a bagel.

“Today, he got out of bed and wanted to play,” Cheely Ann reported when interviewed by The FilAm.

No day is the ever the same. “It’s been weird,” she said, realizing in the last five months that when “someone in the family has cancer, everyone in the family has cancer.”

She’s not complaining. Just being matter-of-fact. Cheely Ann, formerly a research manager for a headhunting firm in Manhattan, has the disposition of a bull. She just keeps charging and going where RJ needs to get the best quality of life for his condition while holding her family together. “I’m lucky to have a strong family.”

Daughters Cassey, 12, and Abbey, 9, are holding up well. They are doing great in school despite their baby brother’s struggle with cancer. Cheely Ann said the girls’ school in Tenafly, Our Lady of Mount Carmel, has been very supportive. About 20 mothers take turns offering to help with the cooking, and taking the girls to school and back, and other chores. Richard, her husband, has mostly kept his emotions to himself and has been a steady parent throughout.

Like most cancers, not much is known about RJ’s Neuroblastoma. There is no history in both her and Richard’s family, but their doctors say this strain is common among children 5 years or younger.

Whenever RJ asks why she allows the nurses to “hurt” him, Cheely Ann cannot help but bite her lip. “I tell him that there is this bad thing in his body that they’re trying to remove,” she said. No mention of the C word around RJ.

“It broke my heart when he asked. There is no easy answer. I try not to break down. I never cry around him,” said Cheely Ann.

But when the treatment becomes more than she can handle, she retires to the bathroom and just lets go. “I threw up one time when I saw blood.”

A classmate of one of her daughters said the family should check out the Ronald MacDonald House in Manhattan’s Upper East Side. Cheely Ann at first saw no need to use the facility because the family can always go home to Jersey days after RJ’s chemo.

But the family relented when they saw the RM House is close to the Sloan Kettering Hospital where RJ gets his treatment. Cheely Ann was in awe of the hotel-like facilities with modern amenities including a posh lobby and a computer room. RJ has a room every time he is up for chemotherapy. The family gets to stay with him, as they did on Christmas Day, when they all surrounded him with toys and cheers six days before his latest chemo treatment on December 31.

The FilAm community is pulling together for RJ. Cheely Ann’s friends, such as businesswoman Jessy Daing Musbeh and singer Angel Ram, are organizing a musical concert on January 9 to raise funds for RJ’s hospital bills. Marisse Panlilio of MPE Entertainment has offered to sell ‘RJ’s Battle, Our Battle’ T-shirts with part of the proceeds going to the Sys.

“Everyone has been so supportive, even people I have not met,” said Cheely Ann.

Through it all, it’s her family and the love they have for each other that sustains them. Said Cheely Ann, “The prayers and the words of comfort are there, and that’s nice, but at the end of the day, people are not walking in my shoes.”

RJ with sisters Cassey and Abbey BC (before cancer)

RJ wheels his machine around his floor: No mention of C word.

The author as a young teen in San Francisco, with her Lola Loreta

“Hello? Sino ito?” the question was so comforting. She always said it so softly with an almost angelic gentleness.

“Hi Lola! Si Camille po,” I would respond and she would let out a cheerful cry of happiness. She loved saying my second name. It is sort of her nickname for me.

Calling my grandmother was such a pleasure and somewhat a relief. I loved hearing her voice. So it came as a panic when the phone kept ringing last week. It rang and it rang and it rang. My panic turned into anxiety. Soon I was in tears assuming the worst and trying to breathe calmly. I called again and again for days but had no idea what was going on. Finally, my aunt picked up.

My aunt who lived in the Philippines was there – this was probably going to be bad news, I remember thinking. It was. My grandmother had been hospitalized. She had a heart attack and at that very moment it felt like I just had one too.

My grandmother means everything to me.

Many of you will agree that our grandparents hold an influence on us that has shaped our lives. They’ve been our supporters, inspiration, have spoiled us rotten with love and are the glue that holds the family together. As Filipinos though, our family dynamic is even stronger. Our close family ties are part of what makes us so welcoming and hospitable to other people. I am absolutely proud of this trait in us and the strong love that each of us receives from our environment.

We are taught to put our family first. The feeling of independence is never cramped though, but the sense of “being a unit” is absolutely enforced. The Filipino family is all about respect. Our culture has always highlighted respect for our elders — whether it be grandparents, parents, older siblings and even those who are not in our immediate family. My respect and love for my grandparents is of Filipino standards, for sure.

Lola Loreta is so loving and kind and will do anything for her loved ones. She never shows weakness, even when in pain, and she always chooses love. I remember coming home from school in the times we were living in California, and she would always have goodies, snacks, her adobo or some other special home-cooked food ready for us. She still had it all ready whenever we visited even though it has gotten harder for her to cook with her arthritis.

When my parents couldn’t handle the transition of having no nannies as we first moved to America, she unselfishly left her home and my grandfather for a bit so she could live with us and help us. That’s what family is to her — everything. She is the epitome of patience and sweetness.

Lola is a nurse by profession and a mother to everyone who knew her. She is without a doubt the most caring person I know.

She came to America with my grandfather who is a doctor and was also in the U.S. military. They met in Sorsogon province and fell deeply in love. They had a private practice in Sorsogon, often giving free health care services to those in need.

It was hard for her leaving some of her children in the Philippines and moving to a new country, but she knew it was her duty to be with her husband, and all her children were grown at that time.

My lola has taught me the values and importance of love. I aspire to be like her every day and show more compassion and care to those around me. She consistently shows me what hard work, commitment, and dedication means and is a stellar tribute to the institution of marriage.

She would say, “You will only be able to receive real love if the love you give is real.” Real love. That’s what she and my grandpa had. True love that lasted a lifetime.

After more than 50 years of marriage, including surviving the Bataan Death March and raising 13 amazing children, sadly my grandfather passed away in 2009. When lolo died, I dropped everything I had in New York City and moved to California to be with my grandma. For a few months, I lived with her, helped her with the day-to-day errands and basically just wanted to make sure I was there for her. It was nice and very grounding being with her again. There was no question about it. I just knew that was what I needed to do. It was something that felt right, something that she had also done for us.

After a few months, and after she was better able to cope with the loss of my grandfather, I ended up moving to L.A. Instead of moving back to NYC, I wanted to be near her and stay in California. It was a hard decision to not stay in San Francisco, but more opportunities were available for me in Los Angeles.

The news of her heart attack was heartbreaking for me. The last week has been hell. My strength has been tested again. It also made me realize how we are rarely given second chances at life and how fragile it all is.

I am taking a leap of faith in what’s ahead as I leave my career behind for a bit and now prioritizing family. Here I am. Praying. Hoping. Wishing she recovers fully from her heart attack and that I still get to spend the much-needed time with her. Life is full of surprises and the best ones are the good ones that involve our families.

Even through tragedy, there are some good surprises that come out of it. I am glad that she has survived and although I don’t know what’s in store for us in the future, I am grateful for her second chance at life and my second chance to spend with her.

Loreta and Mario Lim: ‘Real love. That’s what my grandparents had’

Ma. Luisa Posa and Tomas Dominado on their wedding day in March 1977

March 28, 1977 was not a day that stood out among the rest of the days in March ’77 in the Philippines.

In Iloilo, it was a humdrum, typical day of weeks, months, and years, especially at the Fort San Pedro stockade. The day of days here was when a detainee would be issued a release paper. When might that be was the big question for the activists herded by the strong arm of Ferdinand Marcos’ Martial Law.

Beneath the gloom, March 28, 1977 was eventful for Ma. Luisa Posa and Tomas Dominado. It was their wedding day!

A church wedding was the idea of the groom’s uncle and aunt, then National Irrigation Administration-Western Visayas Director Manuel Ticao and wife Fe Legislador. (Tom’s parents had already passed away.) The consent of Luing’s family, the Posa-Arches of Pototan, came in swiftly. The Iloilo provincial commander of the Philippine Constabulary at the time, was prevailed upon to grant a pass to Tom and Luing for their church wedding, on the belief that marital bliss would usher in a normal life for them and they would give up their militant activism.

There was also the persuasive clincher for the pass: the colonel becoming the wedding sponsor! The groom’s deceased father, Atty. Dominado, was the dictator’s classmate in UP Law. Of course, Marcos could not be bothered by one obscure wedding of his enemies, whoever they were related to.

In the detention cell logbook, the day started with a pass for bride and groom at 9 a.m. and their return at 4 p.m. Four constabulary troops acted as escorts while many other plainclothesmen were posted—in and around the church as well as at the reception venue. They started the day as separated detainees and ended the day together at the women’s section of the Western Visayas Rehabilitation Center.

The groom had gotten a decent haircut and a customary barong. The bride wore finery made from the old bridal gowns of her sisters. The church ceremony went through smoothly, the couple having no hand at all in the preparations except for the choice of the church of their younger days—Santa Teresita Parish.

Father Nabor, a classmate of a relative, had to be brought in from Aklan as officiating priest. Confession was obligatory prior to marriage. He was taken aback when the couple chose to make their confession together, sharing their thoughts of their individual wrongdoings based on the church’s litany of sins. Surprisingly, they could not think of one mortal sin and only some venial ones committed in the recent past which they did not deign to bother the young priest of. It was more a moment of shared intimate thoughts with the newly acquainted priest on the reason why they were in jail which was “no sin at all.” The priest granted general absolution, perplexed as to the reason for the couple’s detention.

The sponsors and the crowd were more thrilled by the wedding than the couple who were quite uncomfortable—the wedding ceremony making them the center of attention. And then followed the unending photo sessions of relatives and friends with the principal characters. All the while, the plainclothesmen on guard were getting nervous. The over-eager crowd might distract them from their wards.

The campaign to find Ma. Luisa Posa continues

The reception was held in the Legislador patriarch’s residence in Oton, characterized by the overflow of food and drinks—one thing the Legisladors could not do without on special occasions. Even the nervous armed escorts let their guard down, helping themselves with the sumptuous food and drinks.

There were the usual rituals, followed by long moments of advice on family affairs and relationships from kith and kin who lacked the courage to visit the couple in the stockade. The ruthlessness of Martial Law terrified them.

Finally, after all the toasts and well-wishes and the heart-tugging goodbyes, the couple were unceremoniously brought back to reality—a honeymoon inside the women’s detention cell. This time, their love nest was on the second tier of a frail double-deck that wobbled in consonance with any slight movement. No better than an egg nest of robins swaying in the wind.

While it did not have the romantic glow of “Love Story,” Luing and Tom’s love life was exceptional, transcending the bounds of time, iron bars, and history.

Maria Luisa Posa was detained for a total of 10 years on charges of rebellion and murder. When she was finally released in 1991 with all charges against her dismissed, she went back to school to get a degree. She became the regional spokesperson of Samahan ng mga Ex-Detainees Laban sa Detensyon at Aresto, an organization of former political detainees. She was abducted with another activist Leonilo Arado in 2007 in Oton, Iloilo by armed men, according to published reports. Her husband Tomas and their two daughters, May Wan and Tamara, are unrelenting in their search while advocating for other ‘desaparecidos’ who remain missing under circumstances that violate human rights.

The author, Julia Carreon-Lagoc, is related to Tomas Legislador Dominado. The family believes that sharing the story of Luisa would “somehow assuage the grief” of her daughters.

Sisters Bianca, Margi and Nina Antonio are young Gawad Kalinga advocates

“I moved away when my family was relocated due to my husband’s job in 2006. It was not easy at the beginning, but soon we realized that ‘home is where the family’s heart is,’ and that could be anywhere in the world,” so declared Aura Antonio, a health care professional whose family is now living in Singapore.

Aura, a practicing psychiatrist in Manila, admitted how she met the biggest challenges upon arrival in the Lion City.

“The adjustment seemed to be harder for me. Joey, my husband, had his job, his focus. Our children had school, loving their new environment. It was a huge change for me, having to leave my flourishing career behind, moving out of my spacious dream house in the Philippines.

“Unfortunately, I am not licensed as a doctor in Singapore. My Philippine medical school is not recognized by the Singapore Medical Council. I do psychotherapy and part-time counseling,” said Aura explaining how she is able to practice her profession albeit on a part-time arrangement.

The three Manila-born Antonio daughters are flourishing in the Singapore American School, loving its global perspective and recognizing they now live in a diverse community.

Eldest child Bianca, 18, a high school senior, is Rhode Island-bound in the fall where she will attend Brown University, her dream school. She will be studying Visual Arts. Energized by Gawad Kalinga (GK), a “nation-building movement” that has grown worldwide, she organizes annual service trips to the Philippines with some of her schoolmates.

Second daughter Margi, 14, is into performing arts. She had a brief speaking part in the Netflix TV series “Marco Polo.” She is also quite the athlete, being active in track and field and touch rugby.

The youngest, Nina, 12, likewise, has shown similar interests as Margi, as she excels in track.

Interestingly, the Antonio teenagers’ common denominator is Gawad Kalinga.

“All my daughters are young active advocates of GK,” said Aura. “They say it is their way of connecting and giving back to their home country.”

GK is nonprofit organization that builds houses for impoverished Filipinos with help from donations and other forms of support. It is their belief that home ownership brings a sense of community and responsibility to a neighborhood, making the families conscious about establishing a quality of life free from drugs and other social ills.

Aura said she is pleased that her daughters are conscious about remaining connected to the Philippines.

At the same time, she felt it was also her responsibility to get her whole family “adjusted in our host country.”

“It helped me to plunge into driving around and getting to know the island: fixing the house to feel like the home we left behind; meeting families away from their original homes like ourselves; organizing play dates and get-togethers.

“Parish volunteer work in teaching catechism for international school children, joining prayer groups, ‘becoming active’ in the Filipino community in my children’s school, kept myself busy and productive first for my family, then my community,” she said.

Describing Singapore, Aura said: “It has three main cultures with corresponding religions (Chinese, Malay and Indian) that live together harmoniously in one small city. I recommend this peaceful, progressive, diverse island city for friends who might wish to move. The environment is clean and green. Infrastructure is progressive.

“It is one of the few places where children can take public transport unaccompanied safely. There are many parks and spaces where one can enjoy nature in the middle of a bustling metro.

“Celebration of holidays is important to the different cultures here, such as Deepavali, Hari Raya, the Mid-autumn Festival.

“Although my children love living here, grateful for this environment, they have not forgotten their Filipino heritage. I teach them the good in our culture; things we are proud of: to pass on to future generations, i.e. love of God and family; caring for the poor; respect for life and people from all backgrounds. I show them the beauty of our
home country during frequent visits. They are all proud to be Filipino.

“I believe this pride has helped them adjust to their host country, knowing that they have an anchor where they can always come home to, where family and friends love them, will always welcome them home, wherever they may settle in the world.”

The Antonio family vacations in Greece

Kristina and daughter KV at Citi Field Stadium for Filipino Heritage Night

The first time I saw Kristina Kalaw Joyas was at a packed town hall meeting at the Philippine Center a year or so ago. She was wheeling her daughter on a stroller, navigating around the backpacks and handbags that have taken over the floor.

“Can’t she find a sitter?” the woman next to me shot me a snide remark.

The one who made the remark comes from an earlier generation where the women either worked or stayed home, and rarely the two parts mixed. The Queens-born Kristina, who is in her late 20s, appeared to be tossing aside the stereotypes and writing her own rules on how to live her best life.

“I take my daughter with me, yeah, I take her with me as often as I can,” she said in an interview with The FilAm. “Part of my identity as a mother is to bring her into the community and expose her to my work.” She profiled her 4-year-old Katerina Valentine as an “insightful” child, “pretty good when attending these events.”

She did not have to explain, but I asked. She explained in a way that sought to enlighten me as well: “People shouldn’t stop being community organizers just because they are transitioning to another period of their lives. You don’t stop identifying as a Filipino just because you now identify as a parent.”

Kristina grew up in a disciplined household and learned independence at a young age. “I enjoyed school growing up,” she declared.

Her parents – her mother is a microbiologist and her father a real estate agent – are typically Filipino in their value system and wanted all their three children to get a good education. They tried to supplement Kristina’s classroom education with arts and music lessons, which explains why she plays the flute and the piano and dabbles in painting.

She started working at 14 at a parish retreat house where she served food to residents. “I did that to earn my own money,” she said. With her first earnings, she was able to buy herself a phone.

For her undergraduate studies, she went to Stony Brook University and earned a degree in Economics, with a minor in Fine Arts.

‘We are all people with families.’ Photo by Justin Manalo

Nonprofit work appealed to Kristina when she started getting deeply involved with community organizing. She started Legacy Mentorship Inc. in 2013, coming from a rich and well-rounded experience fostering leadership development programs for members of the Pilipino American Unity for Progress or UniPro. She remains a member of UniPro’s Board of Trustees, but decided to exit her position as director of Staff Development and to spin off as Legacy.

“I enjoyed the work and wanted to make it available to the community at large,” she said.

Her work at the time involved organizing workshops for new members and interns, educating them on the UniPro culture, which is to engage community organizations in a continuing dialogue about Filipino American issues not limited to the Tri-State region.

“It’s fostering our work culture and how to translate that into community work where you can be more impactful,” explained Kristina further. “It’s giving the interns the foundation of Pilipino history and an understanding of why UniPro was created.”

Legacy’s work grew from UniPro’s program and prepares Asian students, such as Filipinos, for leadership positions.

Their first program, Project LEAD, is an example of how Legacy executes this mission. “It’s for students who get voted into leadership positions in their organizations to prepare them for incoming year. We work with them for five weeks to cover their skill sets and discuss any issues before they assume their position,” she said. “It supplements their work and prepares them for their term in the coming school year.”

Legacy is also involved with Philippine Graduation — or PGrad — an initiative of the Philippine Consulate, in collaboration with UniPro and the National Federation of Filipino American Associations (NaFFAA). It’s a community event where the Philippine Center hosts a commencement ceremony for new college graduates and their families. The event highlights the academic accomplishments of the Filipino community and community leaders encourage them to prosper in their fields as Filipino Americans.

“It’s been growing,” said Kristina, from 20 graduates who attended on the first year to an anticipated attendance of 75 on its third year.

When she is not a social activist or a graduate student at Columbia, she has parental duties, like looking for a Pre-K school for KV. Parenting, she accepts, is a joy and not a distraction nor passes for a burden.

When Kristina has a community meeting, her daughter KV quietly makes art or plays with others. The little girl has been spotted at NaFFAA leadership workshops and AF3IRM protest rallies. Kristina welcomes sitter help when a family member offers, but she is not one to moan and fuss when no one is available. She is fortunate to have friends who are supportive. “People are willing to help me watch my daughter if ever needed. I am involved in school, at work, in the community, and I have family and friends who offer to help out”

“Often,” said Kristina, “the Filipino community views its active members as singular entities. They keep their family lives separate. It’s time we start becoming more inclusive and redefining what we consider a true community.”

“We often forget,” she hastened to add, “that we are all people with families.”

Mother and daughter at a rally with Af3IRM’s anti-imperialist feminists…

At the NaFFAA Summit in Pennsylvania

Chrissi Fabro and her father Guillermo, a nurse who works at Presbyterian Hospital’s MICU department: ‘Thank you for fighting for us.’

He was at work at New York-Presbyterian Hospital in Manhattan where he is a registered nurse at the Medical Intensive Care Unit. Toward noon, Guillermo stepped out for his lunch break and there he saw his daughter Chrissi, the chairperson of Anakbayan New York, about to take on the bullhorn to speak out about “standing in solidarity” with the nurses in New York City.

Chrissi shared their interesting father-daughter chance encounter on Facebook.

“At the picket outside of NY Presby, I was given a spot to speak. I didn’t tell my dad — who works there — that I was gonna be at the picket, but told him I was around the area. During his break, he walked out and was surprised to see me the picket. He caught me right in time for my speech.

“I spoke about Anakbayan and that we were here in solidarity with the nurses. I told the picket that I was the daughter of a nurse at this hospital, with my dad somewhere in the crowd. I continued to talk about the exploitation of nurses and connected them to the reasons why my parents are nurses here in the first place.

“I’m really happy that my dad got to see me and be part of the picket for a little bit. After the picket, he had to go back to work, but before leaving, he said, ‘Thank you for fighting for us.’

“(We are organizing) city-wide nurses picket for safe staffing at hospitals. At many hospitals across NYC, the ratio of nurses to patients is 1:9. As a result, nurses are unable to provide quality care for their patients because they are spread out to thin. Hospitals claim they are abundantly staffed, especially when celebrities are hospitalized.

“The reality is that hospitals are understaffed and as a result, nurses are forced to take on extra work. Nurses genuinely care about their patients and would love to provide adequate care, but when ratios are 1:10, it is impossible to provide quality care.

“Interestingly enough, I have friends who are still looking for jobs as nurses after graduating as RNs from competitive programs everywhere.”

Chrissi would later tell The FilAm, how she and her father, a nurse since the 1980s, were both caught by surprise.

“It just happened coincidentally, but he listened to the whole speech,” she said, adding “he was not alone” as there were other co-worker nurses who came out to check out what the rally was about.

He went back to work after that, but not before giving his middle daughter a quick hug and saying, “Good job.” He even agreed to be photographed carrying a placard that says Patients Over Profits.

Chrissi said she is proud of her father and his work as a nurse.

Many of them are severely overworked, she said, “having to care for about 10 patients at a time.”

“This is a drain on their physical and mental health. This not only hurts nurses, but also puts the lives of their patients at risk. Their patients are not able to get the quality treatment they need to recover, which has led to the increase in the mortality rate of patients in understaffed facilities,” she continued.

She should know. She’s a nurse’s daughter. – Cristina DC Pastor

Chrissi speaking at the picketline

By Ludy Astraquillo Ongkeko, Ph.D.

Remembering mothers on their day is one act that belongs to the ages, as noted by numerous daughters and sons all over the world where Mother’s Day is faithfully observed.

“Mom,” has not been confined to birth mothers alone. Every woman who has taken over mother roles, whether one is a guardian, foster mother, aunt, neighbor, friend, chum, mentor, and although not a blood relation, is referred to as ‘mom’ in the minds and hearts of those who are considered mothers.

Who has the strongest and the fastest influence on children?

An easy response: Mother.

A mother is known to take care of vast numbers of matters in her own countless ways, uniquely using her tried and true solutions that arrive as fast as she can muster them. Mothers are noted as going about their tasks unbounded. They go about their chores with non-stop affection. Ceaseless love.

Although we feel it in our hearts, and most of the time, we are recipients of our mother’s love, sheer neglect might enter the scene. We do not say it.

Why do we leave blanks? Do we ever sound off when we must? Do we even consider a phone call, no matter its brevity?

Have we slipped away intentionally from occasions that should have been observed?

Does one have to wait for Mother’s Day?

The occasion comes once in 365 days, or, in 366 days, should it be a leap year. Why shouldn’t everyone take that opportunity to let your mothers know you care?

Caring means loving. See that your mother is on the receiving end in the same way she has regarded you. You will always be in her thoughts and prayerful wishes. A mother does not cease loving her children.

Historical records refer to the work started in 1907, by one, Anna M. Jarvis, daughter of Anna Reeves Jarvis. The younger Jarvis started a campaign for a national Mother’s Day that carried her formidable efforts to the nation’s seat of power where she initially urged Presidents Teddy Roosevelt and William Howard Taft to memorialize the occasion.

Passing out 500 carnations to each woman in her mother’s organization in Grafton, West Virginia, Jarvis, together with her friends, started a letter-writing campaign to encourage other areas of the United States to mark Mother’s Day. Their hard work became successful. It proved monumental.

Mother’s Day started not only to honor mothers everywhere in the U.S. The occasion also provided more opportunities for civic campaigns aimed at increased awareness of local health problems.

By 1911, almost every state in the Union took part in the celebration honoring mothers. President Wilson made Mother’s Day an official holiday in 1914.Thus, wherever annual worldwide celebrations of Mother’s Day take place, the event is intertwined with anticipation, consistence and persistence distinctly honoring all mothers.
Strong reminders tell us Mother’s Day should not merely slip away because the title, mother, is duly registered in our lives. We should remember our own mothers, and those we call our mothers before it is too late.

The author, not quite 8 years old in this photo, and her father, Isabelo Astraquillo

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are separated by only a month but as celebrations go, the two events seem worlds apart.

When I first arrived on these shores in the very early sixties, I was struck by the fervent regard for Mother’s Day. Brunches were crowded. Ditto all other dining venues: all day, from early afternoon to evening.

Months before that one Sunday in May meant for Mother’s Day, many specialty and department stores proclaimed the significance of remembrances related to one’s mother through full-page ads that ran for weeks. Publication covers zeroed in on that one day in May.

My desire for information led me to find out why mothers, as parents, took precedence in this land. Motherhood included grandmothers, aunts, mentors, non-blood female relations, including foster mothers who took over the responsibility of homemaking.

One lover of sports made mention of how mothers have been regarded in a special manner over time.

“Do you ever notice how, when the camera focuses on the athletes who are asked to say something for the benefit of the television audience, the spontaneous reply, ‘Hi Mom,’ is the first greeting you hear? And if that ‘mom’ is watching that very sport right there, the camera turns the spotlight on that same figure too?”

Through the years, whenever I would watch sports on TV, I did notice how the same observation passed on to me was true.

With due respect to fathers, I did notice there were scarcely greetings that said, “Hi Dad!”

As I dwell on the significance of Father’s Day, I recall how Papa’s role was and has been since I learned how to read. I learned the English language from him. As soon as I could read, he asked me to read newspaper reports; later, as I progressed in silent reading, the editorials represented oral reading highlights.

When I would hesitate upon coming across a word or words I could not pronounce well, Papa had a standing rule: go to the dictionary. Then he would ask me to provide a brief summary of what I had read in as few sentences as possible, in my simple manner of comprehension. Although our ‘sessions’ together did not take place every single day, they were frequent enough.

Before I knew it, Papa would ask me to put my thoughts down in writing when I would describe pleasant experiences as they occurred. Then, he would encourage me to write to my older cousins who resided in various parts of the Philippines. Those writing experiences remain indelible.

While I was growing up, I was conscious that parenthood was not for mothers alone. Fathers purchased certain presents for their children as they browsed along stores.

When I went for the goals of higher education, I did look back and realized how my introduction to the printed and spoken words came from my father.

Today, it is very encouraging to see how fathers in this country have become dedicated and active participants in their children’s development.

If only for what Filipino fathers have rendered to their families today in America, particularly those who come from immigrant families and who braved an alien world in the quest for a ‘new life,’ not limited to economic opportunities, I have great hopes that Father’s Day celebrations in the near future will be well remembered.

In the midst of various ethnicities growing and contributing to what is America today, I am more than optimistic that a Parents’ Day will be on the near horizon.

‘I am both Filipino and Scandinavian, and I identify more as Filipino.’ Photo by Joey Tabaco

Pio Fernandez and Agnes Olsen; Dolly wins a beauty contest sponsored by a Filipino American organization in the 1960s. Photos: ‘Filipinos in New York City’

“It was a scandal, but it was also a happy marriage. They just had so much fun together.”

Dolores ‘Dolly’ Fernandez, the daughter of a Filipino valet and a Norwegian hat check girl, traveled back in time and shared fond memories of her parents’ stirring romance amid anti-miscegenation laws which criminalized interracial marriages in the 1930s to the ‘60s.

The statute was applied mostly on ‘Negro-white’ marriages, but hanged over the heads of Filipino pioneers – or ‘manongs’ — in California, who worked in plantations farms. Some of them married outside the U.S. yet they could not be seen in public with their wives because of fear of the law – which was repealed in 1967– and fear of public humiliation. By that time, the seeds of racial prejudice had been planted on the Filipino consciousness.

Dolly recalled growing up in a mixed-race family in New York City during this era where the prevailing attitude around the country was to frown on any union of different races. Filipinos were referred to as Malays. Her father, Pio Fernandez of Baybay, Leyte, and mother, Agnes Olsen, got married, made a home in Astoria, Queens and filled it with love, music, and laughter.

“My father was the personal valet of Gen. Douglas MacArthur,” she began when interviewed by The FilAm. “He traveled all over the world with him.”

After serving the general for five years, Pio came to the U.S. in the late 1920s and found work as a merchant marine. He worked as a seaman for many decades to the point that his family thought he would end up a bachelor. Until he met a beautiful hat check girl who worked at an elegant Manhattan restaurant.

“Every time he would land and came into port, he would go to this particular restaurant and say hello to this very pretty girl with red hair and blue eyes,” said Dolly laughing, “and my mother would say, what’s wrong with this man?”

“This man” was 50 years old, and Agnes was half his age.

“They just fell in love,” declared Dolly, their only child.

The marriage did not sit well with the Olsen family, who thought Agnes deserved someone better and not someone “who was old and who was brown.” Agnes’s Norwegian-Swedish family “disowned” her, and Pio learned to live with that. In the times she visited her parents in Brooklyn, only Agnes could enter the house. Pio and young Dolly, probably 4 or 5 at the time, waited in the car.

“Dad didn’t care that her family didn’t like him,” she said. “He would put her in a car, drive down Fort Hamilton Parkway so she could see her family in Brooklyn. Me and him would sit in car and wait. He would sing songs with me, like ‘Planting rice is never fun,’ we would play games, while mom visited her parents.”

That changed when her maternal grandfather saw his beautiful granddaughter and recognized the absurdity of a family unreasonably divided by race. “Until my grandfather said ‘This is wrong, this is a good man, we can’t do this anymore. We should not do this. I have a granddaughter.’ Everybody kissed. I remember it vividly, my grandfather hugging me, kissing me, squeezing me so hard. It was nice.”

Dolly remembered growing up in a fun and loving mixed-race family. “I didn’t know the difference. I didn’t know it was anything odd. Now people bring it up to me. Then, it was natural.”

Her mother quit her work with the restaurant and became a full-time housewife, which she loved. Her father, who was getting on in years, left the ship to work as a waiter at the famous Copacabana nightclub where the likes of Dean Martin and Sammy Davis performed.

“He would take me in the kitchen, and I could watch all the shows for free,” said Dolly. “We would bring home menus with signatures and autographs.”

She did not experience any racial affront growing up even though at the time, she had her father’s “very dark” skin. Her skin grew fairer over the years. Today, she has mestiza features, evidence of her Anglo-Asian roots.

“In school I was very smart, that’s probably why I was not treated badly,” she did. “I was always at the top, always getting 100. I never failed.”

Deep within, Dolly felt she did not fit in either side. Her mother’s Scandinavian family thought she was not too white, and the Filipino side felt she was not too brown. “I was an oddity,” she laughed.

It was also difficult, she quickly added. She grew up not knowing any Filipino kid because there was no one in the Queens public schools she attended. Her friends were mostly Irish, German, Italian and Greek children.

Beauty contests
But something she did made her closer to her father’s culture: She joined beauty contests and won many of them. She was crowned titles, such as Queen of the Filipino Social Club, and Miss Philippine-American 1968, and her parents were proud of her.

“I loved it,” recalled Dolly of joining beauty contests on the prodding of her parents. “I felt a sense of belonging. I felt camaraderie; I felt community. I felt a sense of family.”

After a while, she realized she was winning because her father sold rolls and rolls of tickets to his Filipino friends at the navy yard. “It’s about money. Not about beauty. That’s when it hit. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I made up excuses like I was busy with school.”

Dolly continued to remain engaged with the Filipino community even after her father died in 1980. Through divorce, widowhood and raising families, she was an enduring member of the Filipino American Human Services, Inc. for many years until funding issues forced its closure. She is currently treasurer of the Filipino American National Historical Society Metro NY Chapter. In yet another one of her cultural commitments, Dolly has joined My Barrio My Borough in a recent oral history project. She and other Queens residents told the stories of their lives as they wove strips of fabric on a loom. Dolly’s narrative is one of the richest, most poignant, punctuated by race, family drama, and political history.

Dolly shared how her house in Astoria has this crest, or coat of arms, representing both the Fernandez and Olsen families.

“Every time I leave the house I look at the crests and they remind me of who I am,” she said. “I am both Filipino and Scandinavian, and I identify more as Filipino. Being Filipino was a stronghold in my home.”

With grandchildren Mickey, 10, and Micaela, 9, who helped sell copies of the book ‘Filipinos in New York City’ written by Dr. Kevin Nadal and FANHS-Metro NY.

Jen Samson (right) and daughter Danica Lilia Samson: Facing family challenges together

Jet-setting to London, Paris and Milan may sound too good to pass up for a mother and a daughter who made their careers working in two major United States airlines as flight attendants.

But a rude awakening jolted Jen Samson when she went for a routine colonoscopy on turning 50. She was found to have Stage 4 cancer that has spread to her liver and a good portion of her lungs. Prolonged exposure to airline radiation is said to be a hundred times more powerful than a regular radiology or CT Scan. In Jen’s case, the discovery came too late.

Her only daughter, Danica Lilia, also a flight stewardess, is likewise having her own job-related health issue. In one of the turbulent trips she served, she hurt her back. Now, she is seriously hoping to get into a management position so she could continue to work while going back to school to get a new degree. Her only consolation is that she is still able to drive her mother to the hospital and spend time with her during this difficult time in the family.

Both mother and daughter realized for the first time that the health benefits packaged for their type of job are conditioned upon sustaining a continued flying activity.

Where Jen, for instance, is confirmed to have a late Stage 4 colon cancer, one that is classified as a terminal disease, the health coverage will likewise terminate by the end of this year. Ironically, her health insurance will terminate at a time when it is most needed.

Friends and family pulled together to get Jen to New York’s Memorial Sloan Kettering, where she is undergoing aggressive chemotherapy every two weeks.

Her current airline health benefit covers most of the $9,000 per treatment cost, but not for long. As Jen and family pooled their meager resources seeking new health insurance coverage at a steep premium, it is not likely that it will cover the astronomical cost per treatment at this premier hospital.

In its website, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has issued the following information about Cosmic Ionizing Radiation to which aircrew and passengers are exposed during long periods of air travel.

• The World Health Organization (WHO) International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) says that ionizing radiation causes cancer in humans. Ionizing radiation is also known to cause reproductive problems. We are looking more specifically at whether cosmic ionizing radiation is linked to cancer and reproductive problems.

• The National Council on Radiation Protection and Measurements reported that aircrew have the largest average annual effective dose (3.07 mSv) of all US radiation-exposed workers. Other estimates of annual aircrew cosmic radiation exposure range from 0.2 to 5 mSv per year.

For now, Jen and family remain upbeat, but deep inside, the fear of spending one last holiday together is all too real. The hope of getting through Christmas is pure luxury, specially knowing that the end of the year means the end of her health benefits.

Her mother, Lilia, 84, is helpless, but she too is asking for answers. In her room she is staring at a white lace dress that her daughter told her to keep, because it is her favorite dress! Eerie thoughts provoked, devastation is calmed by prayers.

Jen’s husband, Ike, is himself recovering from economic setback. He just got back to work a humble job with benefits that are far from what the airlines currently offer. The couple made it through many of life’s challenges, and celebrated their marriage again and again in the Catholic Church. Inseparable, they continue to proclaim “Till death do us part” through their personal tragedies.

Friends of Jen started a small website to raise funds and share their personal stories: https://www.gofundme.com/helpjensamson

Author Tony Joaquin with grandson Julian: ‘Never hurt girls.’

My dear Julian,

You are finally graduating with honors from your eighth grade class. And we, your grandparents and parents, are very happy for you.

The next step in your studies is now going to be a little different in the sense that at your age, your body is changing from that of a boy’s body to a young man, or what they call adolescent.

When you celebrate your 14th birthday they call this early adolescence, meaning you are now a young adult. When you turn 17 you reach the middle adolescence and later on the term is called late adolescence, or you are almost an adult and that is when you are over 18 years old.

We are telling you these not because you are not able to handle the changes you feel in your body for you have already been given honors as being a bright student . But, I, your grandpa, personally decided to write you because what I will tell you in this message is very critical not only for your studies but could spell success or failure in your whole life.

Remember Lizette who shares her candies with you during recess, and you did not understand why? Well, Lizette is being a good classmate and friend to you, Junior. Besides you have set an example in the class for your straight “A” grades and she wants to be your friend.

But now that you are entering this phase in your life and you notice some changes in your body, you must be careful not to feel funny when girls like Lizette continue to give you gifts and you experience a new feeling.

In fact, Julian, you will now begin to like girls in general. But you will soon notice that once in high school certain feelings will arise in relating with girls especially if the girls attract you too.

First of all, you probably notice that your parents may argue but no one uses physical force when they do. When we argue we just raise our voices and later on calm down when the argument is finished.

The message I am conveying is that never hurt girls even when you argue.

Remember our neighbor Roger who was your playmate for years in grade school? Roger was a good basketball player but his problem was that he could not hold his temper. You remember that we told you Roger had to go and visit his grand aunt in another state and had to leave hurriedly. Remember that?

Well, Julian, now I can tell you what happened to Roger. When he was in high school he got into a situation when he used brute force to make her girlfriend do something she did not want to. This act, Julian, was considered rape, and Roger, young as he was, had to serve time simply because of that act which is considered by our laws as one of the most terrible crimes against another person, especially a young woman.

In other words, Roger did not go to live with his grand aunt. He was sentenced to serve time in jail after having been convicted of rape.

Julian, if there is anything you should avoid like the plague it is forcing a young woman to perform acts she does not want to do. The woman’s body is sacred for it was created to carry another human being in her womb. Sex was designed by God to procreate and not to be used for fun alone.

I, as your grandfather, pray that you always remember this for the rest of your life because once your life is ruined by a criminal act, you have ruined your future. Together with the rest of us carrying the Joaquin name we all shall suffer shame and embarrassment before the eyes of the community and our friends.

That is all I want to leave you with, Julian. Take this to heart, and may God bless you always.

Your grandpa who loves you much more than you can imagine.

Lolo Tony

Brothers Christopher Bacayon (left) and Benedict Bacayon: What are the odds?

In October 2013, Benedict Bacayon, a technology professional from West Babylon, was arrested for “fleeing the scene” of a hit-and-run offense while he was driving his 2006 Mercedes Benz CL500. He is in his 30s.

Just recently on March 29, his brother Christopher Bacayon, 36, was involved in the same violation while driving his Nissan automobile: leaving the scene of a car accident. The victim, a wheelchair-bound man, suffered a fractured pelvis and arm, and later perished. Reports say the two brothers were in the same car, and both may have been drinking.

It was nearly the same offense committed two years apart, noted prosecutors.

In 2013, Benedict was sentenced to 90 days in jail, which he had served, and five years of probation, according to press reports. Christopher was arraigned this week on a “single count of felony leaving the scene of an accident,” reports the Daily News. His lawyer told the paper his client entered a not-guilty plea, and is being held on $100,000 cash bail or $300,000 bond. He is scheduled for another court appearance on April 19.

“They’re identical twins living under the same household who commit the very same crime,” Suffolk County District Attorney Tom Spota was quoted in media reports. “The odds are astronomical.”

Christopher works as a manager in a project management office.

What strange about this case, according to the Babylon Village Patch, is that Benedict pleaded guilty to his 2013 hit-and-run charge just10 days before Christopher got involved in the March 29 incident. Prosecutors believe the two were under the influence, but could not pin them down on an alleged alcohol-related crash because the twins fled the scene. No blood or breathalyzer tests were conducted because they did not report the offense.

Nearly 10,000 people were killed in alcohol-impaired driving crashes in 2014, accounting to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website. The number represents almost one-third of all traffic-related deaths in the United States. More than 1.1 million drivers were arrested for driving under the influence of either alcohol or drugs, says the CDC.

The author, a registered nurse in NYC, and her son Pablo John Garcia IV, who is a branch manager of the Cebu CFI Community Cooperative

My dearest son,

Images of you flashed through my mind as I reminisce the days and months I carried you. I could still remember your first kick inside my belly. I wasn’t even sure if it was a kick or a punch, it was that intense! I knew then you were going to be an enigma.

Much of that enigma came from a relationship fragmented by distance—a lot of distance and not always just because of geography. I was away for most of your growing years and growing pains, which to this day I carry with a heavy heart. But growing up, you showed integrity of character and resilience of spirit.

When you were with me, you mostly made me laugh, and, on some rare occasions, I also cried in silence. But I assure you, those occasions were really rare and far between. Among your most endearing qualities are your wit, charm and sense of humor, which I must admit, you got from your Dad.

Because today is your birthday, I thought I’d boost your ego a little bit by highlighting your appealing qualities such as your sense of adventure, your courageous nature, dynamic energy, quick wit, musical gifts and good looks. I’m not going to mention your quick-temper, impulsiveness and impatience. Oops! Did I just say that? Anyway, I love you just the way you are.

Love always,
Mommy

My son, Pablo John Garcia IV was named after his grandfather Pablo Garcia I, and his uncle, Pablo John Garcia II. Pablo, the III, was already taken by my son’s cousin, hence he, my John John, became Pablo IV.

John John, as the family fondly calls him, loves music and his guitars. As a teenager, he and his friends formed a band and used to sing at various parties and special occasions. John must have acquired perhaps a total of 10 guitars to date. His love of music is now just a close second to his love of his family. He has two incredible boys and an adoring wife. He worked as a former Congressional Staff at the Philippine Congress and is currently a branch manager of the Cebu CFI Community Cooperative.

‘I thank my family for raising him so well.’

My young man is bright. He used to keep a journal; wrote poems and music; and to this day devours books. John John loves real, bound books and good stories, as opposed to eBooks. His is an artistic nature and, like many artists, he has that temperament – sensitive, sometimes quiet, a bit calculating, and quoting him, “a bad boy.” Which he really isn’t. He is also trusting, respectful, and quite charming. Truly, I say these things not only as a mother. John revealed his sensitive side when he wrote this goodbye note to his grandma on Facebook:

Lola,

You have served The Lord well in this lifetime; now it is time for you to be with Him in the next. I never got to thank you for everything. For raising me, for caring for me ever since I can remember, and for being the mother who has always been there. And through the years you’ve managed to turn a bad little boy into a respectful, decent man that I am today. And for that I am truly grateful.

I love you. I love you. I love you, Lola Esperanza Garcia.

My heart bleeds.

John John chose to live most of his youth in the Philippines with his dad and his grandparents, eschewing the Filipino Yankee Exodus. I thank them for raising him so well. John finally came to live with me in the U.S. for a while, but his heart was always back there in the Philippines. Our lion’s share of communication was through long distance phone calls and sometimes through letters – before email and Facebook. I have a compilation of letters I wrote, some meant to be read, some meant to be kept a secret. The open letter above was something I had written a year earlier.

Laura Garcia is a registered nurse with more than 20 years’ experience primarily in Obstetrics and Pediatrics. Her career includes another 10 years as a nursing educator. She currently works as a clinician at NYU Langone Medical Center and a clinical educator at NYU College of Nursing. She has a nursing degree from Silliman University College of Nursing, and a second bachelor’s degree in Communications at Kean University graduating Summa Cum Laude. She is currently working on her doctoral dissertation required for her Doctor in Nursing Practice program.

Kirby then and now. Photo by Boyet Loverita. Video by Anuz Thapa

By Cristina DC Pastor

At 18 years old, in-demand pop singer Kirby Asunto can very well make a decision to get an apartment, live on her own, and manage her flourishing career. As a matter of fact, the law says she can get married without her parents’ approval.

Right now, Kirby is having none of that.

Her mother, the feisty and overprotective Shirley is fortunate she has an affectionate and obedient daughter who respects her decisions and old-school ways.

“Sinasabi ko sa kaniya, kahit umabot ka pa ng 25, basta wala ka pang asawa hindi ka puwede mag-desisyon sa sarili mo,” said Shirley when the two women sat down for an interview with The FilAm at their Linden, New Jersey home.

Kirby was in full agreement. She said, “Going back and forth to the Philippines, I’ve learned (Filipino) traditions. I’ve compared them with my life here. I see some of my friends here who now have kids…whaaat?”

Shirley said she and Kirby have an excellent relationship nurtured on respect and traditional Filipino values. They are very close, and she said her daughter cannot sleep without her nearby. “Ma-miss niya yung amoy ko,” she joked followed by lingering laughter.

Continuing in a serious tone, she declared, “Ayoko lang ng premarital (sex). No no no no!”

The story of Shirley and Kirby Asunto is not only a narrative of a mother and daughter who seem to get along well with each other. Hovering in the background are intricate cultural and gererational dynamics. The women are holding tight, making sure the permissiveness in American society does not dilute their closeness.

The biggest misconception FilAms have about their relationship, according to Shirley, is the issue of control: “Akala nila fino-force ko si Kirby kumanta kahit ayaw nung bata. Hindi totoo yan. Mahilig talaga kumanta si Kirby.”

Kirby validated her mother’s words, “I love singing. I’ll never get tired singing for our community.”

From the crib
It seemed that when Kirby was born, the youngest of Liberato and Shirley’s four children, she was already “singing from the crib.”

“Na-notice ko humming humming siya, sabi ko, parang may boses itong batang ito ah,” Shirley recalled.

Before she even turned 2 year old, Kirby was already trying to imitate the dance moves of Britney Spears and sing the heart-achy ballads of Regine Velasquez. Her father, who was then very new in the U.S., would ask Shirley to send home videos of his daughter which he played to ease his homesickness and also shared with family and friends.

In nursery school, Kirby, on her own initiative, joined a Linggo ng Wika singing contest at St. Ives School in Taguig in Metro Manila.

“Sabi niya, nanay sumali ako sa contest? Anong contest sinalihan mo? Siyempre kantahan,” said Shirley, a full-time housewife.

Kirby has been winning every singing contest in her school, a streak interrupted only when the family – including older brother Mark — joined their father in the U.S. in 2006. Two older daughters, a nurse and a school teacher, remain in the Philippines.

In the U.S., Kirby entered as a fourth grader at Number 9 Deerfield Terrace Elementary School in Linden. She enrolled at Myles J. McManus Middle School to continue her education but did not finish. She opted to be homeschooled when her singing career became busy with bookings left and right, requiring frequent trips to the Philippines.

‘Amazing journey’
It all began when Kirby would be asked to sing at community events, grace this and that party, sing with other artists, and receive awards for her exceptional musical talent at a young age. One gig led to another until she got invited to perform at major events and sing before important personalities, such as former New Jersey Gov. Jon Corzine and diplomatic officials. A momentous appearance at the 2012 Pacquiao-Bradley bout in Las Vegas had Kirby singing Lupang Hinirang before a capacity crowd of more than 16,000 and beamed worldwide.

“It’s been an amazing journey,” said Kirby.

Shirley gave credit to two community organizations that have backed Kirby through the years, from the time this wisp of a warbler burst into the scene: the National Federation of Filipino American Associations and the Philippine-American Friendship Committee. She said Kirby began singing at NaFFAA conventions at 9 years old, she’s now called by officials as “our NaFFAA baby.” As for PAFCOM, she expressed gratitude to officer Gani Puertollano who was always ready to motor Kirby to her many engagements at a time, said Shirley, “when I didn’t know how to drive yet.”

“Si Gani parang tatay niya yan,” she said.

Kirby thinks her mom is a typical Asian mom, not all that strict, just steeped in traditional values.

“Kungbaga pauwi na siya, papunta pa lang ako,” she replied quoting a folksy motto, when asked if she found her mom smothering. She does not chafe at her rules and is grateful to have been raised in the homegrown conservative values of her parents.

Kirby expressed her wish of going back to school.
“I want to finish college,” she said.

She is still undecided what to take up and what school to go to. Next year, she and her mom will start their search in earnest. Singing will not be totally forgotten even as she pursues formal education.

“Ten, 20 years from now I hope I still do what I’m doing,” she said.

Has she been in love? Listen to the full interview here.

The women are holding tight, making sure the permissiveness in American society does not dilute their closeness. Photo by Dipika Shrestha

Aries and Maritess at the Clinton headquarters in Brooklyn.

Grief has gripped the Dela Cruz household in Queens three days after the November 8 election.

Aries Dela Cruz, president of the Filipino American Democratic Club of New York, mourns the defeat of Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton to her GOP opponent Donald Trump.

“I’m going through a lot of stages of grief,” he told The FilAm.

His mother, Maritess, a registered nurse, confessed she too feels deep disappointment manifested through stomach upset with frequent runs to the bathroom. “Me and my husband keep having a run to the bathroom. He would say are you done? Ako naman.”

In the Filipino American community, Aries and his mother, Maritess, were at the forefront of the campaign for Hillary Clinton. Together or on their own, they spoke out at political forums, organized debate viewing parties, gave interviews on television, volunteered at the Clinton headquarters, texted voters, went to the White House, organized Pinoys in Pantsuits and generally engaged in all sorts of activities that gave face to Filipino Americans within the Demcratic Party.

It would seem odd that a mother and son would do things together, especially politically, while some families figured out their own generational differences. Not Aries and Maritess. They bonded over politics, and together learned how to make it work for FilAms.

“My mom is my publicist,” said Aries to this reporter with a hint of teasing.

As for Maritess, she said she’s gotten used to people calling her “Aries’s mom.”

It is not unusual in the Dela Cruz family for the children to speak up about anything, politics included.

“At the dining table, that’s where we discuss things,” she said. “They’re free to say anything. I don’t stop them.”

Maritess and Aries generally work well together and don’t get into each other’s way. Maritess usually leaves the spotlight to Aries, and she is happy to be the silent ally. But more importantly, their presence inspires two critical voter demographics, the Boomers and the Millennials.

“It was definitely great to have folks like my mom involved and to have her support alongside this journey,” said Aries. “It’s the women of her generation (particularly first generation migrants) whose enthusiasm and love of ‘bayanihan’ is really the foundation of Filipino American civic life from the 80s, 90s, and 2000s.”

All about freedom
Maritess came to U.S. from Kuwait in 1990 amid the raging Gulf War. She was a licensed practical nurse then. “That’s why I’m all about freedom and liberty,” she said.

She took her Nclex exam in the U.S. and became a registered nurse. In 1992, she was able to petition husband Primo and first-born Aries following the passage of the Nursing Relief Act of 1989 which granted immigration status to foreign nurses.

“They were able to come right away,” she said.

Another son Kenneth was born in the U.S.

Maritess was quite the activist even in Manila. She remembered bundling Aries to the EDSA revolution Thanskgiving mass when he was one year old and still in a stroller.

In the U.S., Aries earned his elementary education from NYC public schools. The Renaissance Charter School in Queens, where he studied high school, introduced him to local politics.

“Many of their classes were outside the school. They would go to New York State, to City Hall where they learn how to make laws, how to organize, etc.,” said Maritess.

Aries’s involvement with community organizing deepened in Columbia University, where he studied Anthropology. There, he realized the power of organizing communities, giving them a voice, and getting them to take action.

“Lalo naging left-leaning,” laughed Maritess.

Aries received his Bachelor of Arts in Anthropology, cum laude and was the recipient of Columbia’s King’s Crown Award given to individuals for outstanding leadership in their communities.

In the beginning, Primo worked at a grocery store while he took care of Aries. When he got older, Aries, now 30 year old, came into his own and became a responsible ‘kuya’ to Kenneth as well as co-founder of the Filipino American Democratic Club of New York. Primo works as a dialysis technician.

At first, the Dela Cruz family united behind Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders. After it became clear that he was not going to win the nomination, “we switched to Hillary,” said Maritess.

As a nurse, she said Clinton’s continued support for “Obamacare” and fixing its flaws to increase patient coverage made sense. In essence, she also supports Planned Parenthood providing access to abortion rights, a position incompatible with the belief of some Catholic Filipino nurses.

“Dami kong kaaway sa Facebook,” she laughed.

Maritess currently works as care manager at Senior Whole Health, a health care insurance company based in Boston and created when Mitt Romney was governor.

Aries said he was proud to share some milestones with his mother.

“She was there when Hillary won the primary in New York, when Hillary reached the threshold of delegates needed to win, and on the first night at the arena in Philadelphia when the delegates voted to adopt the most progressive platform in the history of the party, one that included mentions of Filipinos American pioneers like Larry Itliong,” he said. “It’s definitely very inspiring to see Tess involved.”

For her part, Maritess said she is “very proud” of her son. “They’re telling him to run, but he doesn’t want to, wants to be behind the scene. I know he will be famous one day.”

With Primo Dela Cruz. In the family, the children are free to speak up on politics. Photo by RJ Ensalada

Facebook page has 156 Likes.

“Gary Abasolo for Jersey City Mayor.”

@abasoloformayor. Founded June 2014. Dedicated to Jersey City’s favorite son. 156 Likes.

Nothing about this Facebook page strikes the reader as amiss. But if you’re from Jersey City, you know that lawyer Gary Abasolo, 47, was never a candidate for mayor. Not in 2014 when the fan page was created, not in the years that followed. His name never appeared in the ballots, and there was never any flier showing his boyish face.

The website is a fake. The only reason it has not been shut down by Facebook is because no one has complained. Not Gary, who is a civil case attorney, not his family, nor his clients.

“Someone offered to make a donation to his campaign, but we did not do anything to encourage it or it would constitute fraud,” said Almor Dayoan, 36, an accountant at Booking.com, who created the site.

More than the site’s creator, Almor is a friend of Gary for more than a dozen years. He created the site as a prank. As a matter of fact, he created it knowing Gary wouldn’t mind and would probably think it’s funny.

He shared with The FilAm how it started.

In June of 2014, they were hanging out at a friend’s living room. Recalled Almor, “I’m a New Yorker and I like to make fun of New Jersey or Jersey City where Gary is from. He would sometimes get annoyed. I told him, since you’re so passionate about Jersey City, why don’t you run for mayor?”

That same night, the “Gary Abasolo for Jersey City Mayor” fan page was born.

“Initially, a lot of people thought it was real,” said Almor.

Almor Dayoan (left) and Gary Abasolo at a community parade (top), and at a restaurant with fellow JCI friend Loren San Diego

When he saw the page, Gary just gave a shrug. He told The FilAm, “If it bothered me, I would have asked Almor to close it down a long time ago.”

The page would take on a life of its own, with people Liking it, asking how to make a donation or calling Gary “Mayor.”

“Many of my friends nowadays actually call me Mayor Gary or sometimes as just Mayor, as basically a nickname, which I don’t mind at all,” said Gary. In fact, when one does a search for Gary Abasolo, the fan page comes up high in the ranking alongside his law practice.

“Sometimes I think he enjoys it,” joked Almor.

The friendship dates back to 2005 when the two crossed paths at the Jaycees International. Gary preceded Almor by three years. In 2006, he became vice president for recruitment services and Almor was named auditor. From that time on, the two became best buds as well as motivated JC officers. They would watch basketball together or go out for drinks after work. They make it a point to meet once a week.

“We’re pretty close,” said Gary. “Almor is a laidback type of guy, easygoing. He is a jokester.”

Almor likes that Gary is very passionate about sports and politics and does not take offense when he pokes fun at his opinions. “He knows it’s all in good fun, and we have a good laugh.”

He continues to update the page with photos and videos of Gary. He plans to generate more Likes for the page by offering to raffle off movie tickets. One thing he will never do is to embarrass his friend or ridicule him publicly.

“I will not cross that line,” he said.

President Emmanuel Macron and wife Brigitte Marie-Claude Macron: ‘Listening only to positive messages.’

In my search for the Filipino Brigitte Macron, I circled back to Dionesia Dapidran Pacquiao.

Except for the huge age gap these women have with their significant others, I find nothing else they have in common, except, notably, the public’s obsession with their relationship with much younger men.

Brigitte is the wife of the newly elected French President Emmanuel Macron. Reports say they met when he was a high school student and she was his drama teacher. At age 15, according to reports, he had his eyes set on her who at the time was married with three children. He vowed to her that, “Whatever you do, I will marry you.” That romantic spark did not dim as the two continued to communicate throughout her marriage, according to reports. She was divorced many years later, and Emmanuel and Brigitte wed shortly after, undaunted by their 24-year-age difference.

Dionesia’s relationship with Michael Yamson, a sailor 28 years younger, would have been a little unusual by conventional Philippine standards. The pair has been fair game to misogynist humor, mainly because she is an occasional entertainer who appears on television to sing, dance or make people laugh with her folksy Visayan accent. That she happens to be the mother of boxing champion and senator Manny Pacquiao and is said to be very wealthy make her even more intriguing. One of the first things Michael had to dispute when they made their relationship public was that, “I am not after her money.”

Dionesia Pacquiao and boyfriend Michael Yamson. Photo by ABS-CBN

The media scrutiny couldn’t be helped given how news is not only about developments that are timely and impactful, but also about human interest and novelty, especially as they involve prominent personalities. In both the Brigitte and Dionesia narratives, the politician husband and sporting icon son put their romance on spotlight.
Depending on what publication it is, the stories can conceivably be crafted in a way that may suggest some salacious elements. Some tabloids have begun to label Brigitte a “cougar.” Others are questioning if there was forbidden seduction between the teacher and her pupil a la Mary Kay Letourneau. In Manila, Dionesia has been questioned by reporters about her sex life with Michael, erasing the boundary between private and tawdry.

The coverage of the two women is intense, driven by the public’s appetite for gossip. It takes an open-minded society like France to brush aside the big age gap, among other sexual peccadilloes, as something they can accept in their presidents.

Brigitte herself has dismissed the obsession with age, saying simply that “I’ve become accustomed to listening only to those who convey positive messages. Life with Emmanuel was necessarily like this.”

As for Dionesia’s May-December romance, Filipinos treat it with a combination of entertainment and voyeurism worthy of a few laughs. Wait till she runs for public office.

Copyright © 2017 The FilAm

The author as a young girl, her nanny behind her. The ‘yaya’ is always hovering nearby in case the child needs anything. It could be glass of water or a runny nose that needs to be wiped.

They were the unsung heroes of our household. The protectors of our children and the sounding boards of our parents. They woke us up in the morning, made us food, bathed and dressed us and got us to school every day. They cleaned our homes, watered our gardens, bought our groceries, washed and ironed our clothes, and even brushed our hair at night. They became part of our lives and so intricately woven into our daily activities that we seemingly can’t do anything without them.

These were our domestic help workers. Our maids, ‘yaya’ or nannies, cooks, drivers, gardeners, and all-around helpers.

Having domestic help in the Philippines is normal and it’s available to not only the upper class. It’s so common, that we were even taught in school how to manage our household staff as part of Home Economics class.

Some are viewed lovingly as one of the family, but most are overworked and undervalued. Many live in a vicious cycle of fear, despondence and uncertainty. Others, as I have been recently reminded, are imprisoned in abusive households masquerading as normal homes.

In my home growing up, they were respected and treated fairly. They were employed by us but we did not own them and this was made clear to us from a young age. Many stayed through generations, were shared by relatives and even had their families staying in a “maids home” on our property. They were not only compensated but appreciated.

My ‘yaya’ was named Genilyn. I looked up to her and adored her. She made a huge impact on how I now treat and care for others just by the example she showed and the care she gave me. But because we had compassion in our family and was taught to have empathy for our domestic help, I grew up not realizing some homes did not operate in the same way.

So you can imagine how I felt while reading the cover story written by Filipino American journalist Alex Tizon for The Atlantic magazine. In Tizon’s personal essay, “My Family’s Slave,” he talked about his family’s “slave.” I choked up and closed the computer immediately after, as if that would help relieve the tension I was feeling. It struck an emotional chord. Here’s a lady who was a second mother to this family and was physically and emotionally abused!

What also bothered me was the excuse people were saying about his family’s actions. That it was a cultural thing and it was somehow the norm. The article painted a nasty picture of slavery that stigmatizes a culture normally known for compassion and care. This led me to the question, is this really a cultural issue? Is cultural change imminent?

In the author’s family, the nannies are the helping hands to mothers (foreground) with too many kids to handle

Perhaps I aim to defend us Filipinos from the terrible views being stated and a generalization this says about our culture, or those who have domestic help – but to me, this was not a normal thing. Normal is found somewhere in the middle and this was one of the extreme cases.

I agree there needs to be a cultural change within the traditional values of taking the poor’s rights for granted, but I do not agree with using “cultural norm” as an excuse for the lack of compassion.

Being vile is deep rooted in someone’s character and even though it could be amplified by one’s environment, it is not our culture. It happens everywhere. There is no excuse for treating another life like the way they did.

Lola in Tizon’s story, did not have any choices. She was promised wages, lured by a better life and was not allowed to go home even after she had asked to. She was held captive in a foreign land. She was a slave, and it wasn’t right!

There’s a difference between domestic help being normal in the Philippines and ACTUAL slavery. Domestic help is a normal practice, that is, if the domestic worker is compensated as required by law; slavery is not.

Not only would this family be breaking laws for domestic helper’s rights if they were living in the Philippines now, not to mention facing serious human trafficking allegations, but they were actually breaking immigration laws in the United States.

Abuse happens
I am not dismissing the fact that abuse happens. The United Nation’s International Labour Organization claims that domestic workers are some of the most likely to face abuse and exploitation in their place of work. There are 53 million domestic workers worldwide. Only 12 percent of Asian countries guarantee minimum wages for domestic helpers — a figure that stands at just one percent in the Middle East — and the Philippines is one of them.

In 2013, after a 19-year effort by lawmakers to guarantee the rights and benefits of the ‘kasambahay’ or household workers, a law was finally established. RA 10361 or the Domestic Worker’s Act was signed by President Benigno Aquino, and it guarantees the protection, security and well-being of household service workers (HSWs). Under the law, domestic work is no longer a part of the informal sector and sets a minimum monthly wage. After a month of service, a kasambahay should be covered by the Social Security System (SSS), Employees Compensation Commission (ECC), Philippine Health Insurance Corporation (PhilHealth), and Pag-IBIG.

Many reports of abuse towards Filipino domestic workers are also abroad. Because 25 percent of the people in the Philippines live below the poverty line; more than 10 million have immigrated overseas. One of 3 Filipinos deployed overseas are laborers and unskilled workers which include domestic helpers, cleaners and manufacturing laborers. According to The Manila Times in 2014, the personal remittances from overseas Filipino workers (OFWs) are at an all-time high at $26.93 billion or nearly 15 percent of the country’s GDP.

I agree more needs to be done about the abuse of authority everywhere.

This problem is not necessarily only cultural, but a deep-rooted issue in humanity. Abuse will continue in any household where the foundational family values are not built out of compassion. There is a long road ahead in terms of making sure people have compassion with one another, especially with those in a class below them. But, there are also many families out there who do right by their domestic help and give them good experiences they would not otherwise be able to have.

Copyright © 2017 The FilAm

Tiara Camille Teruel is a talent agent and business owner in Los Angeles. In October 2015, she was featured in Variety Magazine as one of Hollywood’s New Leaders. She was born in Manila, lives part time in New York and is a regular contributor to The FilAm.

DINGDONG DANTES

In raising their children, no physical punishment, ‘puro pangaral.’

For registered nurse Menchu Sanchez, being recognized by the White House for her heroism during the 2012 Hurricane Sandy may be a lifetime achievement. Being named, with husband Judith, Parents of the Year is an equally stunning honor.

“We’re very happy,” she said of the recognition conferred on them by the Garden State Filipino American Association, Inc.

Menchu and Judith Sanchez are proud parents to Jude and Michelle, twenty-something siblings who are respectful children, kiss the hands of elders, and are very helpful at home. “They’re very good kids,” she said.

Jude and Michelle were practically inseparable as children. Menchu shared a story steeped in superstition of how she saved the umbilical cords of her children, wrapped them together in a newspaper with a pencil (in the belief they would be good students), and kept them in a bag. It got her mother worried, she suggested separating the umbilical cords which Menchu did when they reached grade school. Not long after, they began to fight like cats and dogs, chimed in Judith.

Judith and Menchu met in Saudi Arabia in the 1980s where she worked as a nurse for about 10 years and Judith was employed as a medical technologist. They married in the Philippines and immigrated to the U.S. in the 1990s. The family made their home in Secaucus, New Jersey, although Menchu, the middle of three siblings from Catanauan, Quezon, found work as a nurse in Manhattan. When she strategized the rescue of some 20 newborns from Hurricane Sandy during a power outage, she was working as a nurse at NYU Langone Medical Center. She is currently a clinical and neonatal nurse at Mount Sinai.

Judith works for a French company distributing medical devices based in Parsippany, New Jersey. He is a Hotline Technical Specialist. The youngest of eight children from Gapan, Nueva Ecija, his girl’s name has to do with his parents’ religious devotion. They named all their children after biblical characters. Judith’s birthday fell on a date honoring the woman warrior Judith who beheaded enemy soldiers to save her kingdom.

Their children – Jude, 25, and Michelle, 24 – are their pride and joy.

The Sanchezes during a family vacation in Eagle Rock, Hazleton, Pennsylvania.

Jude, a physical therapy assistant and swimming coach, is a “very respectful and very thoughtful” person, said his parents. His younger sister Michelle, a swim coach, is “kind and loving,” conscious that their parents do not carry heavy grocery bags because of their age.

The children live with their parents, and no one seems to mind that all of them, including their maternal grandmother, are under one roof.

Said Menchu with a laugh, “We said nobody will be living outside of the house until they are married.”

At this time and age, added Judith, “We are just being practical because everything is expensive.” He said the kids can come and go as they please and have no curfew.

The children received no spanking when they misbehaved as kids, which they rarely did. They are raised on the Filipino custom of respect for elders and being polite. When they arrive home, they give their parents a hug and kiss, same as when they leave the house.

“No physical punishment, just words of wisdom,” said Judith. “Puro pangaral.”

Judith believes in instilling in his children wise words they can learn from. One he used to dispense when they were little kids learning to swim was ‘No pain, no gain.’ Another favorite is that of ‘teaching a man to fish’ versus ‘giving him a fish,’ a maxim that discourages handouts in helping others.

The family goes to Sunday mass at Immaculate Conception Church in Secaucus, where Menchu sings in the choir and Michelle plays the drum and guitar. They are active in the church’s Filipino community.

Unknown to some of her friends, Menchu is quietly preparing for a kidney transplant. She is suffering from a rare disorder called ‘IgA nephropathy,’ a condition where the kidney is unable to filter waste from blood to urine. She is looking for a kidney donor with the same blood type (Type 0 positive) — and a kind, generous heart. As she awaits her approaching hospital date, she is sustained by the love and support of her family.

© The FilAm 2018

A shared love of dancing. Top photo by Boyet Loverita. Lower photo by Nonoy Rafael at the Bonggahan Retro ‘60s-‘90s dance party.

The prelude to Nanding and Laura’s love story had a religious backdrop.

They met at Simbang Gabi sa Konsulado in December of 2013. They were lining up before the buffet table when Fiesta in America CEO Fernando ‘Nanding’ Mendez spotted an old acquaintance, and said, “Hey, I think I know you.”

Nanding and nurse educator Laura Garcia have crossed paths in the past, but Laura’s recollection was only the “hello” they said to each other. When they reconnected, Nanding, almost reclusive into widowhood (his wife Mila, passed away in 2012), began to see the world around him open up to new possibilities.

“Friends were surprised,” he began, as he shared the story of their romance with The FilAm. “They were in puzzlement because I was not supposed to go out. I was in seclusion. Before, I attended many functions with Mila, and now suddenly I’m by myself.”

Laura, in the meantime, was this nursing professional balancing clinical duties with teaching nursing students and raising a young daughter. She was married at a young age to the scion of a political family in Cebu, their separate career options and lifestyles forcing a no-fault split: Laura opting to stay in the U.S. with her daughter, and her husband choosing to go back home with their son. The family remains very close through their separate lives.

“My family here has been urging me to go out because I have been in seclusion (also), very busy with work. They said it’s time for me to, you know, go out and meet someone. Then I met Nanding,” recalled Laura laughing as she summoned the memories of five years ago.

When she went home that night from Simbang Gabi, she prayed if Nanding was ‘the one,’ and asked for a sign. The phone rang and came Nanding’s soft-spoken monotone. “I said to myself oh, I can love this guy,” laughed Laura.

Laura participated in the 2017 Asian American Voter Survey in Chinatown.

Nanding and Laura are the couple behind the revamped Fiesta in America, a 20-year indoor expo in Secaucus, N.J. bringing businesses and a growing consumer market together. This year, Fiesta will focus on the health care market, leveraging Laura’s expertise and network as a nursing professional. Currently, she is Associate Professor at the Phillips School of Nursing at Mount Sinai Beth Israel, at the same time that she is an Adjunct Clinical Educator at NYU Rory Meyers College of Nursing. In both schools, she teaches Obstetrics and Maternal-Child Nursing.

Laura’s nursing background actually started in 1985 when she was a Staff Nurse at the Long Island College Hospital, in Brooklyn, assigned to the Labor and Delivery and OB/GYN Unit. From there, it’s been an arduous climb to where she is currently. Her long experience with maternal care had prompted a career shift. From clinical nurse, she became a nurse educator. While teaching at several nursing schools in New Jersey and New York, she managed to complete her doctoral degree.

While known throughout the community as a businessman, Nanding is essentially an artist. He enjoys tooling around with graphics, designing logos, and creating corporate branding. When Fiesta was founded by Nanding and Mila in 1998, Nanding worked in the background while Mila became the face of Fiesta. Nanding emerged when she died in 2012, and carried the flag, so to speak, keeping Fiesta alive for its legions of followers.

“When Mila passed away and he thought he did not have the energy, the people around him lifted him up to pull Fiesta together,” said Laura. “Now, he just couldn’t let it go.”

At their new condo in the Theatre District, Laura professed how she imagined life with Nanding to be a “quiet, peaceful” one. Before long, he would take her to travels, meet members of the community, dancing and other activities she did not have time for as a working professional.

Said Nanding: “She’s not really into it because sometimes it’s about glamour, and she doesn’t like to draw attention to herself. I said don’t worry, we’ll just eat and dance. Mostly, she doesn’t like the politics of it.”

Nanding’s musical chops on display at a Fiesta Octoberfest. Photo by Brix Pajunar Palin.

In time, Laura began to adapt and enjoy her new life loading with new friends, new experiences, and new possibilities. A different world opened up. Fiesta is just one of many new horizons. “I just learned to stop fighting it,” she said.

She is currently chairperson of the National Federation of Filipino American Associations – or NaFFAA – for 2017 to 2019. Her coming-out of sorts began when she came back to New York from residing in New Jersey and became avidly involved in Filipino and non-Filipino community concerns, having received a June 2017 Citation for Academic Excellence and Community Leadership from New York State Assemblyman Brian Barnwell. She is past president of the Silliman University Alumni Association of New York and New Jersey.

At the moment, Nanding and Laura are “very happy, enjoying the moment.” Marriage is something some friends have inquired about, but they are taking it one moment at a time. More important, they are growing together as one as they continue to find ways to be of help to others if not through Fiesta, maybe through other ways.

“It would be,” said Laura, “embarrassing not to do something good for humanity. “The possibilities are endless.”

© The FilAm 2018